Nanny: a job description

While I am positive that being a nanny to

Johnny (3)

David (1), and 

William Romney (1)

has been the best and most rewarding job of my life, this "choice position" is clearly not for everyone. Before my dear readers decide to apply for this, the best job in the world, please consider the following list of qualifications.

• doesn't mind having baby food splatters on every article of clothing she owns
• isn't fazed by a continual state of stickiness
• has the ability to hold one child on each hip simultaneously
• can prepare bottles with one hand
• can, with at least 60% accuracy, call David and William by their respective names
• can push a double stroller uphill without passing out
• will think in terms of nap times and what's in-between not in hours/appointments/classes
• perceives a run to the grocery store as a "social activity" (Caution: Target may be a sensory overload)
• ability to play peek-a-boo for indefinite periods of time
• will treat Little Bear, Winnie the Pooh, and Clifford like real animals
• has the complex and highly demanding task of diaper changing down to a science, complete-able in under 15 seconds
• can cheerfully shake cheerios out of her clothes at night
• can deliver reports on nap and feeding times with military accuracy
• wants a "Mary Poppins bag" for her birthday
• can remember which of the half dozen shampoos, lotions, and creams goes on which twin
• can sing innumerable primary songs and nursery rhymes indefinitely to keep babies happy while driving
• expert animal noise maker
• loves wet kisses
• can keep David from eating pebbles and William from crawling into the pool, at the same time, on opposite ends of the yard
• chooses new clothes based on their durability during baby boy wrestling
• never gets tired of kissing chubby cheeks
• can distract a two-year-old with stories long enough to get a sandwich in his tummy at lunchtime
• can share a golf-cart steering wheel with a baby without wrecking
• has expert snack timing in order to keep twins happy for a 45 minute walk
• lives for those gurgly little laughs
• knows what causes hives on David vs. William
• realizes that on road trips with three toddlers anything is possible with enough Teddy Grahams
• can quote "Finding Nemo" verbatim (and can describe each scene from the soundtrack in the car)
• knows instinctively when David is playing in the dog food
• pillow fort architect
• knows the names of every truck, construction vehicle, and sports car, can describe their function and mimic their sounds on demand
• knows that two times the bottles, diapers, jammies, socks, and baby snacks equal twice the smiles, cuddles, and baby hugs....

and that being a nanny is worth every minute of it!